Sleeve me!

So I go to the drive-thru Starbucks down the street and after sitting through two attempts to up-sell me to some 'pairing' or 'baked goodie', the guy hands me a tall nonfat latte with no sleeve. I ask him point-blank, 'Do you guys not give sleeves anymore?' He says, 'We only give them with venti's, we're trying to save trees.' Some questions...

1) Why are you lying? If you're trying to save trees, why give out sleeves at all? What is the qualitative heat difference between a venti and a tall? Answer, none, they are equally as hot.

2) Hey liar, fuck the trees, how about saving my hand?

3) Also, liar, if Starbucks wants to save trees, how about making the sleeves (and the cups, for that matter) from 100% 'post-consumer recycled material', vs. 10% for the cups only?

4) Oh, and liar? Try the truth, it can be an aphrodisiac in all kinds of relationships: business-to-consumer, husband-to-wife, etc. Here it is: consumer spending is down, sleeves cost money, some brain trust at Starbucks corporate (aka The Death Star) ran some models in Excel and determined the cost-benefit ratio of providing sleeves with drinks smaller than a venti was not in the bests interests of the corporation.

In his defense, Starbucks is training a whole generation of liars, it's apparently the 'Starbucks way'. My wife said she refuses to put her hand out the window until a sleeve has been added to her drink. I've tried nonverbal communication but it's not in my nature. And that's the truth.

Leap Second

This just in:

"The world's official timekeepers have added a "leap second" to the last day of the year on Wednesday, to help match clocks to the Earth's slowing spin on its axis, which takes place at ever-changing rates affected by tides and other factors."

Here's a list of things I plan to do with the extra second:

- fill out an application to become one of the world's official timekeepers;

- finish my novel;

- spend down the remaining funds in my Flexible Spending Account so the rat bastards that administer it don't take off on a European vacation courtesy of the $231.46 I have in there;

Any time that's left will be spent reflecting on the general state of the world, specifically the Mideast, India vs. Pakistan, MMA vs. boxing, HBO (what happened to you?), getting up the nerve to watch TLC's "The 800 Pound Tumor" and trying to crack all my knuckles on the first try. Happy New Year...

Spirit

For a tutorial on how to write a scathing review, see the link below:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/12/24/DDH414SVMC.DTL

The review was written by Peter Hartlaub, the 'Pop Culture' critic of the San Francisco Chronicle. I complimented him in the first comment posted and he responded in kind and used the word 'snarky', a vocabulary choice that confirmed my confidence in his acumen.

The First

I'm watching my 6 month old scoot backwards, listening to my wife dry her hair in the bathroom of our new house, watching as my dog runs off with a used paper towel and looks back to see if I'll chase him, and I suddenly decide that Christmas in Texas is not so bad after all.